AGAIN.
Well, you wouldn't know this from the title of this post, but
I LOVE FISHING!:)
Not that I'm any good at it, but, I don't know, for some reason I enjoy
sitting around a pond and staring at a bobber.
And sitting
And Staring
And Sitting
And Staring
etc.,etc.,etc.
Yep.It's pretty fun.
And A LOT harder than it sounds.
WELL, today I'm going to tell you the 4 reasons why I suck at fishing!!!
Which is pretty impressive because how can you suck at sitting and staring??
Well, I don't know, but I've done it.
Also, I'll tell you WHY FISH ARE STUPID AND I HATE THEM>:(
Ok, so they're not really stupid, because they always get my bait before I can hook them,
And I guess that's pretty smart,
because I wouldn't be that smart if I was a fish.
I'd just be all stupid and swim up to the hook and bite it because it was shiny.
 |
| Me as a fish. STUPID STUPID STUPID. |
Oh, and while I'm showing you how I suck at fishing,
I'll also show you how
I suck at drawing.
Trust me, you'll know which drawings are mine.
<------Perfect Example.
So, without further ado, here are the five reasons I suck at fishing
AND at drawing.
That's two in one!!!
WOW.
What an impressive amount of suckiness.
REASON #1: I talk WAAAAAY TO MUCH!
Everybody knows that fishing is all about relaxing.
Enjoying the beautiful silence that comes with sitting and staring.
YEAH, about that.
I don't really look at things that way.
First off, I hate silence.
I mean, I'm quiet if it's like school or something serious or whatever,
I'm not likeone of those really annoying people who go on 5 minute speeches
every time they talk, or whisper and talk EVERY SINGLE TIME they're supposed to be quiet.
 |
| everyone else. |
THOSE kind of people.
UGHHH.
Well, anyways, sometimes, I just like to talk.
I really don't see this as a problem, but, of course,
EVERYONE ELSE just has to come along and say it is, because
"IT SCARES THE FISH AWAY!"
TRUE, but really does it matter if the fish are scared away while you're fishing to hook them and eat them???
Because I don't know about you, but I think I'd be more scared of mysterious worms falling from the sky and big hooks than the faint sound of people talking in the distance, but hey, that's just me. And the worst part is, if someone's not talking back to me, I talk even more. Not like in a creepy talking to yourself insane person kind of way, I just make comments and laugh at how many stupid things I've managed to do while sitting and staring, no matter how many times my family tells me it'll scare away the fish. And apparently the stupid fish agree with them, because I end up catching about 3.Does that seem good??
Out of about 5 hours??
Yeah,not so much.
Reason #2: I'm not exactly a patient person.....
I do enjoy sitting and staring.
I really do.
MOST OF THE TIME.
But sometimes, I go with an alternate option.
It's not really fishing....
more like chasing.
SO, what I do, is I walk around the pond
and look in the shallow water for fish
and there aren't many because my flip-flop stomping scares them all away...
BUT, when I do find them,
I cast the bait right onto their heads!!!
Which probably makes a lot of people think I'm an idiot
because I only cast it about a foot out,
but hey, if they're watching me
they're not doing their sitting and staring properly.
So anyways, it's SIMPLE AS THAT!!
AND then,
I look in the water and see..........................
NOTHING!!!
I wonder where they went???
It's not like a worm falling from the sky on their heads scared them away...
no, not like that at all.
Well, that's why it's the alternative.
I mean really who does???
Well, when you're outdoors or near a pond or WHATEVER,
there are bugs.
Okay, well I guess the only place where
there aren't bugs is in like a big plastic bubble,
BUT it's different near a pond.
POND BUGS ARE WEIRD.
And for some reason, I always seem to make the
REALLY DUMB CHOICE
of wearing flip flops when I go fishing.
Among all of the tall
creepy
tickly
grass that is all over.
The grass that I always think is a spider crawling up my leg....
or some other weirdo bug thing that you'd only find out there.
SO then, I swat "it", (which is really just an evil piece of grass)
and look like a crazy person,
because I just swatted at thin air.
AWKWARD.
and of course,
the ONLY time that I tell myself that it's just a piece of grass,
I look down to find THIS: Well, in a more realistinc intimidating form.
Oh my gosh, you should see me,
I SPAZ.
Like, really spaz.
I start slapping the bug and then I think
it just "magically" flew somewhere else on me,
so I FLIP OUT and start randomly flailing my arms and stuff.
It's pretty scary.
Like, "I feel bad for the people around me" scary.
Like,"it looks like I'm having a seizure" scary.
It's like, Elaine dancing on Seinfeld scary. Just to put an image of what I look like when a bug attacks me in your head:
Guess what you have to spear a hook through while its squirming in your hand
in order to catch most fish?
Yeah, its not fun.
Not that I would know,
I just make other people do it:)
And I really wouldn't mind worms if they didn't do that creepy thing
where they get SUPER THIN only in the place where you're holding them.
THAT IS FREAKY!!
Oh, and the fact that they poop on me really doesn't help them.
So, until I stop spazzing out
and yelling at worms because
I HATE THEM,
I have a feeling I'm goung to keep sucking at fishing.
Reason #4: Fish are mean:(
You know, fish are really evil.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I go fishing,
and don't catch anything,
because there are no fish anywhere to be found,
the SECOND I start walking towards the carready to finally leave,
ALL THE STUPID LITTLE FISH
start literally flipping OUT OF THE WATER,
and swimming all around where I just was,
And laughing at me!!!
Really, they just sit there and taunt me.
Which really just makes me go insane...
Because I start to find a little too much joy
in catching fish...............
and eating them.....as if I didn't hate fish enough
The other day I went fishing
And I was there about an hour and a half and didn't catch anything...
And then, on my last cast I saw 5 bass all together in the shallow end, so I aimed for them
And ALL of them started going for my hook
ALL OF THEM
until finaly I had one!!!
AND IT WAS REALLY BIG
so it started swimming away, until I hooked it and I had it and everything
And I was literally pulling it out of the water....
YAYYYYYY????
no.
my line snapped.
no.
my line snapped.
RIGHT
IN
HALF.
And the little idiot fish swam away.
WHY can't fish just swim up to the stupid little hook
and realize that their purpose in life is to be eaten.
WHY can't fish just swim up to the stupid little hook
and realize that their purpose in life is to be eaten.
That's it.
Fish sticks.
no more.
the end.
>:(
So there it is. The four reasons I REALLY SUCK at fishing.
And drawing.
I MEAN, did you see that spider??
Well, I think you should now follow my advice
And go suck at fishing also
with a lot of people
because sucking at fishing is contagious
and the more you
talk
and spaz
the more they'll suck too!!
And if you happen to see a fish stick maker guy
if that is a job.....
go up to him and give him a hug
just kidding...that's weird
unless your a creeper
go up to him
and say
"thank you for serving our country"
because fish are evil.
they really are.
but they taste delicious.
and they make you smarter when you eat them.
Mhmm. Proven fact.
And if you chase fish,
and randomly flail your arms,
and go into 5 minute speeches whenever you talk,
and saw that video and thought:
"hey, what's wrong with that? I dance just like that"
you probably need all the help you can get
in that department.
-Random 3:)
